we watched a discovery video the other day that had all kinds of evolutionary theories on it, and the creativity of the scientists was so impressive, that i decided to make up my own theory…so here it is…
a single celled ameba got squished, and caused it to have a hernia, and thus had an odd looking growth like formation attached to it. it decided that it needed to make it’s growth useful, so it grew a brain. let’s call our ameba, amy. amy then decided that she wanted to be the most powerful ameba on earth, so she developed a simple amebic language and called all the ameba’s to a convention. what the other single celled critters didn’t know was that amy had already developed a stomach and teeth, so she commenced to eating all the other ameba’s as quickly as possible.
some of the ameba’s quickly developed a 2nd cell so that if amy ate one, they would still have a cell left over. thus the first complex critters were formed. however, before amy could devour more than 10 or so of her kind, she felt strange inside. there was a rumble that caused all creation to stand still. amy cried out in agony as she was experiencing the universes first bowel movement. the first poop of all creation was magnificent. some of the other single celled matter wanted to make their own feces also, so they decided that they wanted digestive systems too. before the world knew what was going on, there was a republican party that tended to represent the more complex “big-body” life form organizations that enjoyed devouring smaller, lesser developed life forms and claiming it was a necessary step in the developement of the species. then there was the democrats who decided they wished they could also represent other “big-body” life eaters, but had to settle for representing the “less fortunate” weaker life forms by lying to them on a constant basis to win their favor. they did have the advantage of knowing that the lesser life forms weren’t smart enough to know the difference.
eventually the republicans evolved into gigantic elephants that produce immense amount of fecal matter, and the democrats turned into highly developed whinny donkeys that would rather slap flies than get any real work accomplished.
thus, the world is the way it is today, and i think that there is just about as much evidence for my story as there is behind other evolution stories. so i think i should get millions of dollars in grants to do “research”, hold conferences, stuff it into text books, become extremely conceited, laugh at everyone else who doesn’t agree with my theory, yell at them for being close-minded, and then name them amy.