putting my best {face} forward…

something wild and crazy has happened since i became a mommy: for the first time in my life i’m actually excited about each new day! and just as shocking (especially to me) is i’m often the first one up in the morning! i know my prison ministry friends back home, my mother and even jarod could have never in a million years predicted this turn of events.

in fact, several years ago jarod and i came up with a battle plan that we intended to implement when child(ren) entered our family. it was a simple concept really. he, being a morning person, would be responsible for the child(ren) in the mornings until i could muster the energy to face the day – sometime between 9 and 10… on a good day. in exchange, i would be responsible for evening duty… which suit me fine since i can manage staying up late more so than facing a sunrise.

but that plan was quickly thrown out the window when sterling entered our lives and each day brought with it the excitement of seeing his sweet face after a 9 hour time of separation, also known as sleep. then, when liberty entered our lives all that oxytocin entered my body and i found myself joyously living on very little sleep. eventually a thing called sleep deprivation started knocking down my defenses and after 3 months i hit a wall. or shall i say the wall hit me! however this was also about the time i was wrenching up my life and undertaking one of the biggest challenges i’ve ever attempted… attending language class, with liberty in attendance. unfortunately, liberty isn’t always sympathetic to my plans or my needs (specifically for sleep) so at her 4 month birthday that wall that ran into me a month previously managed to fall over and crush me.

what ensued was a 3 day meltdown. let me just say those were not my best days. not only was i totally exhausted i felt like i my life was a destruction zone. at one point i passionately (read: emotionally) tried to explain myself to jarod but upon realizing that i couldn’t keep my thoughts straight finally ended my rant with, “i know i don’t make any sense… i don’t even make sense to myself. so i know you can’t understand what i mean but i need you to try.” now if that doesn’t scream pathetic i don’t know what does. but the truth is, to find myself in such a state was quite frustrating but even more so, it was embarrassing.

after a couple of days of intentionally pursuing rest (does that sound like an oxymoron to anyone else?) i found myself in the land of the functioning again.

a few days later i was gathering my stuff for class when jarod looked at me and said, “have you taken a shower yet?”

i gave a simple answer of yes and moved on.

what he didn’t know and i didn’t have the time or energy to confess is that not only had i already showered i had also put on makeup – a rare concession these days.

so later that day when i returned from class i confessed to him that his question wasn’t lost me.

not knowing how else to respond he sheepishly giggled. i think he was more embarrassed for me than he was for himself.

and to think that a month ago i started regularly using concealer under my eyes. glad to know it’s doing me a lot of good!

oh the joy of putting my best {face} forward!


3 thoughts on “putting my best {face} forward…

  1. It’s amazing how much children coming into your life will change your whole life perspective and every day rituals.

    Yes, I do find it amazing that you are now an EARLY person. LOL

  2. Liberty looks so big in that picture! And Jennifer looks beautiful! Give yourself some grace, you’ll get your head above water soon enough. Don’t busy yourself past this time too fast.

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