this week i had my first real cry… in nearly a year. you see, the 21st of this month marks our 1 year anniversary in SONshine. all that to say, anniversaries like these are often times of great celebration, yet ironically, also coupled with times of intense sadness.
no doubt, we certainly have much to be grateful for these days, yet i’m increasingly experiencing feelings of loss.
especially as the sprouts grow and change… apart from our families.
who love them so, so much.
you see, 6+ years ago when we embarked on this journey… to live in a foreign land, to love a foreign people, to sacrifice our comforts for the unknown we could not have imagined what all that would entail.
because though we ran through a zillion scenarios in our heads, we truly had no idea what the future held.
back then we could never have imagined that it would take us so incredibly loooooong to become parents… or what that would mean for our sprouts, or our parents.
in a million years i could have never imagined that i’d be “mommy” to the “cutiest little boy in the whole wide world!”
or that God would fulfill my desire for a daughter, not by adoption, but by opening my heart and my womb.
truth be told, my feelings of sadness are most intense for our sprouts… who are denied the privilege of grandma & grandpa hugs because the world is simply too big for them to wrap their arms around.
and i feel sad for the grandparents because either way you look at it, the sprouts are growing…
and changing way too quickly.
even though we are mindful to skype regularly and post pictures here, the hard truth is that those awesome technological gifts can never replace the wonder of physical touch.
and though i try not to dwell on it, there are times in life when reality catches up with me and i’m reminded that when i “counted the cost” there were some important “costs” that were un-fathomable.
so i guess it’s okay if from time to time i experience a good cry…
’cause i can’t possibly convey the sense of loss i feel for the sprouts, our parents, or even myself for that matter.
so… since there’s no pretty way to wrap up my feelings i’ll close with some pictures of some of the people i love the most in the entire world.
in hope that in some small way, they bless those who love us the most.
and as a thank you for loving us so well, though the “cost” on their end is also quite high.
we love you.
“blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.” luke 6:21b