chaos, desperate & connecting with God

these past 6 months i’ve started and stopped a million posts in my head. i’ve written out several – partially.

but i never found the nerve nor the energy to actually publish them.

because where do you begin when the world is shaking violently?

do i continue on, as i have these past 8 years, sharing stories of our not-so-exotic life overseas and our beautiful, amazing sprouts?

do i go on posting a million pictures of my own miracles, again this year, because even when everyone else’s world is crumbling down at least there’s hope in the future?

so much here i want to share – the miraculous, the good, hope-giving, life-breathing goodness – but. simply. can’t.

so much in this world i want to talk about, but others are already doing it – so much better.

but tonight something happened. tonight i opted out of the routine bible story before bed and instead held each of our children and prayed over them.

and suddenly, instantly, i connected with God.

just like you, i’m watching the news headlines, looking and waiting for answers. i’m waiting for justice. for some sort of reprieve from this world gone mad.

boston. another senseless, sickening act. another reminder that our world is in revolt.

babies dying at the hands of doctors.

the unimaginable happening to young girls.

and the loss of so much life. given up… and being taken.

it’s all become a state of normal.

where’s the hope in that? in this world? how can i go on acting as if being half a world away means it won’t or can’t touch me?

so tonight when i began praying over my precious gifts, i was exposed.

i am so, so desperate. i’m desperate for my children to never be touched by any one of these catastrophes. i’m desperate for their physical protection. and in a world quickly becoming void of the innate sense of “right,” i’m desperate for their spiritual protection. i’m desperate for hope. i’m desperate for jesus’ goodness.

there’s so much to say. yet words seem futile.

this is the way my posts – in my head – always end.

but today i ask of you, as you’re waiting, as you’re watching… please pray. dear sister, please pray over your children.

for me, there’s no easier, faster way to connect with God.

during this time, when words are hard to articulate and prayers may be even more difficult, i invite you to pray as i do, over our sprouts, his word.

Psalm 63:1-5

You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Proverbs 2:1-5

My son, if you accept my words
    and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom
    and applying your heart to understanding—
indeed, if you call out for insight
    and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.

Psalm 1:1-3

Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

his word renews hope.

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2 thoughts on “chaos, desperate & connecting with God

  1. Thanks for sharing this, J; beautifully written. I so often feel the same way about wanting to shelter my children…even to the point that I want to keep my oldest from hearing about current events on the news. Thank you for the reminder to pray scripture over them and to give them back to the Lord. I love your heart…and by the way, yes, you have to keep on posting pics of your sprouts! We all love them!

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